Unhappy life

I am doubting whether the life in Sarawak suits me....I used to be a cheerful and talkative girl but since i have step into Sarawak i just feel like my smiles and laughs have just disappeared ....it's just like my happy center is gone....i can't smile naturally from my heart....it's just a forced smile as if it was fake.....i hate to force myself to act....i want to be myself with true feelings and perception....i hate to pretend....i try to live a happy life but i couldn't....i thought that particular day would be a bright and sunny day but it always tend to end up in storm every time. I can't voice out my feelings to anyone here.....if tears do roll down my cheeks i bet nobody will give a hand to me and comfort me....Independence is something where we have to get it through experience....but until now i think.....i havn't got that one yet....anger, jealousy and hatred are infiltrating the pieces of puzzle of my mind slowly..... these are my disadvantages....i think i'm spoilt...but i couldn't change it....this is my personality....i've tried my best to change myself but i can't.......just like what sis have said.....people can't change themselves easily....it takes up a lengthy pathway where you have to discard all your weakness to succeed....otherwise you still have to bear with your own personality....i can't describe my feelings.....it's just like as if a knife has stabbed into my heart where i can't voice out anything.....i really hate it....why am i behaving like this?can i change myself?

Sometimes i wonder...why is my life so sucky?why am i stuck in sarawak?why am i stuck in a course in which i hate it?why do i lead an unhappy life?staying in sarawak is totally a new change in my life...why can't i hav my life where there's neither worries nor sadness?why can't i just be myself cheerful, talkative, enjoying life, nothing to burst my brains...nobody can understand how is my feeling now......maybe depressed, forlorn blabla....since i'm the only child, all the while i'm solving my problems myself...no one to help me...that's good...as i can be independent...but being the only child lacks of communication skills....since small, i've been playing by myself, no siblings to play with or talk with....unless my cousins who are almost the same age as me visits my family or vice versa...i do admit that i seldom smile...maybe since small i've nobody to laugh or smile or argue with....if im unhappy why should i force myself to smile....i do admit that i'm a crybaby...crying is my hobby though....stepping into this university destroys every single portion of my happiness....bits by bits...medicine is not my priority...and including the university itself....maybe those who do not know me very well  with probably think that i'm arrogant....but i'm not emphasizing IM NOT ARROGANT OK....i don't like to smile that's true...so what's wrong with that?nothing's wrong...i think....it's just myself...why should i put a fake smile on my face?when happiness comes, laughing smiling giggling etc. comes naturally....imagine when u r a CEO, u have wealth, health blabla..suddenly you lost everything.....it is definitely a hard time experiencing....i've fallen too since my stpm results came out.....due to lack of a mini minor 0.08 my future becomes darker and darker....as if dark clouds are covering the sky....medicine is definitely not a great course or best course or good future-guaratee-ing course....nothing to be adore.....but the great thing about it is the word help...yes helping people....people who are unfortunate....but sometimes the duration is not worth....the syllabus is too much overloading...lack of holidays....lack of ENTERTAINMENT....lack of anything la....stuck in memorising....rather than applying...brain is not functioning......hate it.....i hate bio stuff...

Angers..

误会。。。。真的。。。。当我在读那个故事得时候。。。。我就会想起。。。。其
实爱是这样的。。没有错没有对。。。
其实我觉得我真的忍了很久。。。这两年我真的忍到很痛苦。。。他爱不爱我， 我
真的不知道。。。但是为何他不能跟我讲他不要。。。。为什么他一个电话都不打
给我。。。这个真名他真的不在乎我。。。我给他很多的机会了。。为什么他不能
去珍惜。。。为什么他要每次都去伤我的心。。我在哭的时候他知道吗？？他有没
有去说服我？？他震天跟我讲“我们都很stable了。。。不用恩爱。。” 

我不是要恩爱我见在是在讲我们一定要communicate的吗。。。如果不是我们couple来for what??。。。

我真的受够了。。。我真的很累呀。。。我不想每天都哭。。。不想每天都伤心。。。

no matter how much i love him or no matter how much i've sacrifice for him...he would not appreciate it.....

everytime i voice out my opinion he'd be saying "we are stable dy dun need so en ai...." this is his reply.....this is why i will nvr tell him what i feel......only my close friends know what i feel......they always ask me to tahan chill la...why should i tahan for SO MANY times.....FED UP!!!i have promise myself frm tat day onwards....i'd lead a happy life....i'd not look back......

Maggi

Aiyaya why do i eat alot ne=( my stomach is becoming bigger and bigger ne so sad.....nt pregnant la aiyo....tapi banyak fats accumulated ne cham='( i'm wondering will i bcom a obese woman in the future??in which my BMI would exceed 30??OMG!!nono....thinking of it makes me wanna puke all the food liao.......yerrrr....OMG......and the worst part is i kept on online the whole day WITHOUT STUDYING so sad man....=( feel so guilty=( but if i study a sure can't masuk de so why not i online ne can improve my computer skills hahahahaha=D sis a sis why today u didn't online 1??i miss u ne.....everyday i must kacau you de 2day you didn't online i can't sleep a='(

Life.....is soooooo unexpected.....why there are so many problems that came up suddenly all at once?why??

I used to be a childish, playful and  a cheerful gal. STPM is not really easy. It needs time, competency, determination, perseverance and of course great teachers especially. My STPM teachers are superb thus, most of the proportion of my As are from them. Thanx a lot teachers!!

After my STPM life, here comes the so called 'working' life. Honestly, I do learn a lot especially in the aspect of humanity from my colleague. She is really really nice and me n her are quite close though. She has taught me to be tough and indeed be smart. Don't be so naive especially!!

Then, the STPM result day has loomed!!! 25th February 2010!!!Unforgettable....I though that I can get a 4.0......but unfortunately I did not manage to get it. Maybe I don't have the luck though. When I first glance at the result slip, tears began to roll down ....feeling disappointed.....the word regretsssss are filling both of my left n right brain...My sis tried to persuade me but still......haizz....I know that I have too high hopes but that was what I am expecting as I really really do not want to leave Selangor. My teacher told me that I should put UNIMAS as I would have a higher chance to get in. UNIMAS is toooo far it is in Sarawak!!!! After a week or two, I am alright with my results and accept it....it's FATED!!! Here comes the UPU application....filling in the choices.....UNIMAS is the fifth..waited for a few months.......

Now, in the month of JUNE, this is the time where UPU application will be out. On the 18th of June, I was very nervous. My hands were trembling and my heartbeats are accelerating~~~ wow......I though that I can get pharmacy but end of disappointing again haizz.....got MEDICINE!!!OMG!!!haizz....which is in sarawak.....everyone is telling me that medicine is far way better than pharmacy but my interest is indeed in pharmacy.....='( n here my tears began to roll down AGAIN haiz.....sumtimes i feel that why why why why why Tang Mun Yee is sooooooo WEAK.....always cry here n there aiyo maluu la.....sudah berapa besar ni 19 tahun masih nangis aiyoyo....i guess this is my character.....cannot be changed maybe....at that moment, in my room, I was crying like a kid while hugging my beloved baobao.....saying "I don't want to go to sarawak~~~~ i don't want to study medicine~~~ i want to stay here~~~~"......my dear natalie baby saw me weeping....haha that was really hilarious as she was staring at me with a frightened face....=D my sis was there too comforting me......When I have calmed down, I try to convince myself.....maybe Sarawak is a nice place....maybe it's a time for me to explore the outside world in which maybe I can grow up to be mature.....no longer baby-ish=O Medicine is a good course.....it can guarantee me a good future and becoming a doctor indeed makes my family proud=)  so i have decided to study there.....accept the offer....print out everything......start to pack everything clothes, necessities, blablabla....

Fly~~~~ here comes mun yee to sarawak.......on the 3rd of july......orientation week starts......n once again i cry again and again and again.....missing my family......missing my relatives.......missimg my cousins.....missing my house.....missing my petaling jaya's environment.....missing my best friend.......missing my 'sisters'.......missing everything......one word to describe HOMESICK la amoi....homesick ya true I am......hmmmmm......whenever my mum calls me, I tried to be tough. I tried not to cry when I was talking to her on the phone.....so that she do not need to worry about me.....feel so sad and emoish......OMG!!!so i really can't stand here feel like going back and I tried to give up medicine and apply back to unis located in Selangor. I think my application can't make it through as it's kinda hard....