Sometimes i wonder...why is my life so sucky?why am i stuck in sarawak?why am i stuck in a course in which i hate it?why do i lead an unhappy life?staying in sarawak is totally a new change in my life...why can't i hav my life where there's neither worries nor sadness?why can't i just be myself cheerful, talkative, enjoying life, nothing to burst my brains...nobody can understand how is my feeling now......maybe depressed, forlorn blabla....since i'm the only child, all the while i'm solving my problems myself...no one to help me...that's good...as i can be independent...but being the only child lacks of communication skills....since small, i've been playing by myself, no siblings to play with or talk with....unless my cousins who are almost the same age as me visits my family or vice versa...i do admit that i seldom smile...maybe since small i've nobody to laugh or smile or argue with....if im unhappy why should i force myself to smile....i do admit that i'm a crybaby...crying is my hobby though....stepping into this university destroys every single portion of my happiness....bits by bits...medicine is not my priority...and including the university itself....maybe those who do not know me very well  with probably think that i'm arrogant....but i'm not emphasizing IM NOT ARROGANT OK....i don't like to smile that's true...so what's wrong with that?nothing's wrong...i think....it's just myself...why should i put a fake smile on my face?when happiness comes, laughing smiling giggling etc. comes naturally....imagine when u r a CEO, u have wealth, health blabla..suddenly you lost everything.....it is definitely a hard time experiencing....i've fallen too since my stpm results came out.....due to lack of a mini minor 0.08 my future becomes darker and darker....as if dark clouds are covering the sky....medicine is definitely not a great course or best course or good future-guaratee-ing course....nothing to be adore.....but the great thing about it is the word help...yes helping people....people who are unfortunate....but sometimes the duration is not worth....the syllabus is too much overloading...lack of holidays....lack of ENTERTAINMENT....lack of anything la....stuck in memorising....rather than applying...brain is not functioning......hate it.....i hate bio stuff...