Unhappy life

I am doubting whether the life in Sarawak suits me....I used to be a cheerful and talkative girl but since i have step into Sarawak i just feel like my smiles and laughs have just disappeared ....it's just like my happy center is gone....i can't smile naturally from my heart....it's just a forced smile as if it was fake.....i hate to force myself to act....i want to be myself with true feelings and perception....i hate to pretend....i try to live a happy life but i couldn't....i thought that particular day would be a bright and sunny day but it always tend to end up in storm every time. I can't voice out my feelings to anyone here.....if tears do roll down my cheeks i bet nobody will give a hand to me and comfort me....Independence is something where we have to get it through experience....but until now i think.....i havn't got that one yet....anger, jealousy and hatred are infiltrating the pieces of puzzle of my mind slowly..... these are my disadvantages....i think i'm spoilt...but i couldn't change it....this is my personality....i've tried my best to change myself but i can't.......just like what sis have said.....people can't change themselves easily....it takes up a lengthy pathway where you have to discard all your weakness to succeed....otherwise you still have to bear with your own personality....i can't describe my feelings.....it's just like as if a knife has stabbed into my heart where i can't voice out anything.....i really hate it....why am i behaving like this?can i change myself?